Grief & Loss

Grief’s unique Hold

Reblog of post with updated resources 🤍.

Perspective on Trauma

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach
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While there are commonalities in experience, grief’s manifestation is unique to each individual. There is not one other living being who will understand exactly how you feel or the subtleties of your specific connection. No other person; knew your person, your animal companion, or your situation in the exact way you did (and do). They do not know the many nuances that existed between them and you. They cant know what made them uniquely them, you uniquely you, and your connection uniquely yours. It is these nuances of relationship that make this process both complex and sacred. And, this is as it should be.

It is a process that can’t be rushed, at times won’t find comfort, and that must be honoring of you and your important other or situation. Take your time and know in whatever way you need to make sense of your…

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22 thoughts on “Grief’s unique Hold”

  1. Often the first words we want to express, is to say sorry for your loss, sometimes followed by I understand how you feel(perhaps human nature) and often people do mean well. Sometimes they themselves also experienced grief, yet we cannot understand what the next person is feeling because we are all made up so differently, like you so clearly explained. Thank you for that clear and concise explanation.

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  3. I also experienced such moments in my life but they could not fill me with venom of hatred. I learned from them.
    How I behaved, loved and served others in my life is all mattered actually, as that shaped me what I am today.
    A feeling of compassion arises in me seeing such people. They have no option to leave themselves for life!
    I am lucky at least only few moments, days or years is what matters me to bear with them. Then I am again free.
    It is my life, the other is not at all matters in it leave alone his behaviour, grudges, sabotages etc.

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  5. I have experienced such moments in my life as well. It’s never easy, it’s a combination of pain and fear, the worst ofcourse.
    And just like you said, nobody can understand how you truly feel except you. I believe that grief is not just a sign of weakness but a sign of love and that you’re coming out of it stronger than you think. It changes somehow as time goes by.

    That was a really nice article you wrote.😊

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  6. Such an important post. In our lives, we all have experienced grief, some, many more times than others. As you say, each person will have his or her way to go through it. I think we as friends or family members, can just be there if and when they need us, and always let them know, that. There is no universal timeline for grief to end, let them know we understand that and be loving and patient….offering just to listen and hold their hand, can be enough.

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  7. Such an important topic. Grief is so complex, it’s sufferers often don’t know when and how it’s affecting them. I’ve gone through the loss of several important people in my life in the last few years and the only thing I know for certain is that Grief is a beast that is quite terrible. I think the more one becomes willing to experience the feelings of loss, the closer one comes to surrendering the denial that most certainly intensifies it’s affect on their lives. I believe it has something to do with surrender and I’m working on that.

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  9. Echo

    I saw your face this morning –
    something I needed,
    outside of it all.

    I reached out,
    years too late to feel your skin,
    and felt the echoes of your spirit.

    These days,
    it is the shadows
    and empty spaces
    that push me forward –
    not quite
    a ride or a dance or a dream…
    just
    the last little ticks of nightmare…

    falling away.

    But here you are,
    nestled in blue…

    in the surf and the sky
    and the morning…
    and all of those things I can’t do.

    Here you are,
    filling
    this crater of heartbeats
    with the echo of yesterday’s screams:

    “I’m getting better!”

    The one damn thing you needed.
    The one thing I did, too.

    So did the world that forgot you were there…

    showing it something,
    everywhere.

    Sometimes, I’m lost here,
    just like you,
    slicing my days
    with a hot steel blade:

    “I’m getting better!”

    (from this, from them, from you)

    Trying
    to shove a kinder,
    less merciless truth
    into indifferent ears:

    “I’m getting better!”

    (from this, from them, from stuff you say… stuff you do)

    The only scream
    I have left –
    and sometimes,
    the only scream nobody hears anymore.

    A ghost scream,
    throwing out my numbers and my codes,

    filling
    the crater of my heart
    with precious bursts of echo,

    like that smile:

    always the gentlest
    of explosions,
    your smiles.

    Starbursts
    in the bear pit…
    tiny factories of bonfire,
    sat on the edge of a darkening sky
    and
    blossoming
    somewhere between…

    I saw you sadder than before.
    You saw me deeper in there too.

    You hold some part of me
    that’s still far better in your hands,
    haunting
    all those happy endings
    that came scavenging
    in your wake.

    The truth is,
    I’m more at home in darkness now,
    whittling your echoes into kindling
    and lighting our bonfires
    with their own kind of peace…

    riding out your faces and your loves

    and showing the world
    and the lights out of town

    just what they say about me.

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