Attachment & Relationship, Spirituality

With New Eyes

It has been over two years since last sharing on WordPress. I have missed being here and have appreciated staying connected with you through your words and learning from your collective wisdom. Thank you to those of you who have reached out to me and for your kindness and care. It has meant more than I can express.

It has been a journey, full of new growth and changes, since I last visited with you here in these pages. It feels fitting, for my first post upon returning, to share a bit about what I have been engaged in since July of 2022.

Charlie and I journeyed from Eastern Wahington to Western Washington in May of 2022, and finally to Oregon in December of 2023. Many of you may remember Charlie from my previous writing. (https://wordpress.com/post/perspectiveontrauma.com/1703) He was my brother’s loyal sidekick and became my most loved and faithful companion. He showed up in this world as an incredible mix of Old English Sheep Dog and St. Bernard who was both protective and gentle. Charlie came to me when my brother passed unexpectedly in December of 2016 and shared life with me until his own passing on May 21st of this year.

Charlie not only provided me an ongoing physical connection to my brother, but comfort and connection through my brother’s passing and the many changes we (Charlie and I) navigated over the last two years. He brought with him such love and joy and has been a deep love and incredible teacher in my life. I miss his physical presence every day.

Charlie sat snuggly by my side, each morning, as I engaged in daily meditation and often stretched himself out on my yoga matt before I could begin my practice. Downward facing dog had me stretched across his 108-pound (completely relaxed with no intention of moving) body on many occasions. While it’s true I could have deterred him, I didn’t want to, and this was part of our daily dance in each other’s lives. It was a gentle, protective, and sometimes mischievous love that permeated life and has left its lasting imprint.

Yoga and meditation have long been a part of my life, but I have been much more intentional in these self-care practices over the last period of time. I have participated in a meditation group since June of 2022 and have met many incredible people and friends in this process. It has been a place of comfort and strength as I reacquainted myself with me and remembered the genuine value, I hold in the lives of those I most love. My family and friends have been a true support and reminder of the love that exists in my personal life.

In my professional life, I’ve worked to secure additional clinical licensure in the state of Oregon so that I may practice as a clinician in both Washington and Oregon. I am now able to do this. One of the primary reasons I chose to reside in Oregon, aside from Oregon’s beautiful coastlines, is it’s passing of Measure 109 which allows (in part) the clinical facilitation of psilocybin assisted treatment. This, controversial and research-based treatment, has been highly effective in treating ~trauma, addiction, treatment resistant depression, has aided in making peace for those nearing death due to terminal illness, and has held deep spiritual meaning for many who have utilized plant-based medicine as part of their overall healing or end of physical life care. I will soon be licensed as a clinical facilitator in this area.

Oregon was the first state to decriminalize psilocybin and legalize its therapeutic framework. Colorado has followed. Washington, California, New Jersey and Connecticut are in process. To read more about Oregon’s Psilocybin services, you may access information through the following link. https://www.oregon.gov/oha/PH/PREVENTIONWELLNESS/Pages/Oregon-Psilocybin-Services.aspx

In addition, I have spent many hours in training and research regarding narcissism and sociopathy. I have had the opportunity to write for a Seattle Washington based organization regarding these topics and plan to deepen my understanding and support of those impacted by persons who suffer from these mental health diagnosis and the accompanying harm they cause.

Overall, my time has been spent in learning, growing, grieving, and in truth my own healing process. Charlie was physically with me on much of this journey and has deepened my understanding of love, pure connection, commitment, and loyalty. His teachings have been vast, and his impressions ever present.

The loss of Charlie rekindled the loss of my brother and opened my eyes wider to what true loyalty and love are. His passing and the pain that it has brought is such a profound feeling that the changes of the last two years pale in comparison. It has shown me that where we place our energy matters, and that genuine and safe relationships are reciprocal in nature. Charlie was deeply loved by me, and I know I was deeply loved by him.

OfCourse, reciprocity in human relationship is different than that with our creatures. Humans can be encumbered, and motivations are best understood per the underlying intention.

As I’ve journeyed these last few months without the physical presence of my boy, I am awe struck at the depths in which his time with me touched (and touches) my soul. The pureness of his heart and the gentle protectiveness of his connection are everlasting. His greatest lesson, to me, to understand what true reciprocity is and to accept no less in the relationships in which I choose to spend my time. And to choose these wisely.

I have always been a seeker of spiritual understanding and love pondering existential questions. Through this time, I have been tasked with the need to hold compassion and to better understand the state of detachment, of letting go and accepting what is. This is difficult but understood, by me, in my loss of Charlie. I accept that Charlie needed to and has made his transition. I can easily love, hold true compassion and accept every part of him while holding deep gratitude for his lessons in my life

Holding this awareness in other areas is more difficult, and this is, and will be, a work in progress. I will return again and again to trusting that lessons learned were lessons needed and take great comfort in reading spiritual literature and deepening my connection to greater consciousness and my inner self. I often return to Jack Kornfield’s writing, in his beautiful book After the Ecstasy the Laundry; How the Heart Grows Wise on the Spiritual Path. His wise words resonate with me, and at this time these particular words remind me of the inherent cycle of life, the joys and pain in each phase, and the need to accept what is true. “Though it sounds simple, letting go is also an advanced practice. It is demanded in the greatest trials of our lives and in our final moments. It is here that the heart learns the secret: that to let go is also to embrace what is true”.

Embracing what is true, can be painful but so essential to each of us. It is, in many spiritual teachings, this life’s journey.

Lastly, I thought it only fitting to share photos of Charlie. It was hard to choose just one photo of him. In the article image, he is on the beach here in Oregon. A place he and I have spent much of our time in just being.

Following are some my favorite images of him on the beach, hiking and playing in the snow, and just relaxing at home.

I know without a doubt that I walked with him in true dedication to his best interest and needs and loved him genuinely through all the phases of the life we shared. And I know without the same doubt, that he so preciously and selflessly did this for me. This is the nature of true commitment and love. A reciprocal process in which the other’s health and well-being matter to you.

Screenshot

Thank you for reading, I welcome your thoughts and comments and look forward to connecting with you through your writing and mine.

Copyright Protected Material: © 2020 LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW. All rights reserved. Written content on this blog (Perspective on Trauma) is the property of the author LaDonna Remy, MSW, LICSW. Any unauthorized use or duplication without written permission of the author/ owner of this web log is prohibited. Excerpts or quotes may be shared in the event the author is fully cited with reference and direction to this blog.

Professional Disclaimer: It is important to recognize that all information contained in the Perspective on Trauma Blog is informational. It is not intended to provide advice, assessment, treatment, or diagnosis. Content is not intended as a substitute for clinical care. It is not possible to provide informed care through web content, or to engage in an informed treatment relationship within this format. If you or a loved one need support; it is important that you access this care from your own (specifically assigned) health care provider.

Agreement of Use: In consideration for your use of and access to the Perspective on Trauma Blog, you agree that LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW is not liable to you for any action or non-action you may take in reliance upon information from the Perspective on Trauma blog. As noted, it is not possible to provide informed (personalized care) through blog content. In the event, support is needed it is your responsibility to seek care from your own health-care provider.

Photo: Charlie on the beach in Oregon.

Resources:

Kornfield, Jack. 2000. After the Ecstasy the Laundry, How the Heart Grows Wise on the Spiritual Path. Bantam Books. New York. Toronto. London. Sydney. Auckland.

The Oregon Health Authority. Psylocibin Services Overview. https://www.oregon.gov/oha/PH/PREVENTIONWELLNESS/Pages/Oregon-Psilocybin-Services.aspx

48 thoughts on “With New Eyes”

  1. I’m glad to see you’ve found comfort and purpose through your experiences, meditation, and professional endeavors. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt update. Your dedication to understanding and compassion is truly inspiring.

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  3. So many great things have happened in your recent journey and what a great job Oregon has done is legalizing something that has helped so many. I have not had the treatment but would if available. I hear it can help people with PTSD, truama and Bipolar Disorder. They may be overblown but that is what I’ve heard. Enjoy seeing the seasons in your new home state. 🙂

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    1. Thank you for reading and your comment. The research does support your statement. The research regarding bipolar is in preliminary stages but appears promising.

      I genuinely appreciate your sharing and commenting.

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  5. International Dog Day was celebrated August 26, 2024, and I offered up prayers for my favorite dog of all times, Willie. I got a picture of him by a local artist and it hang in my dining room.

    Glad to see you back on WordPress and ready to share other insights and stories that many of us can relate to and get enlighted by.

    All good dogs like Charlie go to heaven. He can now frolic with Willie who passed away more than 30 years ago.

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    1. These words mean so much to me. Thank you ❤️And, thank you for sharing part of your story about Willie. I love that you have the painting of him in your home.

      My daughter had a beautiful painting of Charlie made for me, and I also have it in my home where I can see it every day. ❤️

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  6. Oh my dear LaDonna, so happy to have you back and to share your therapeutic thoughts and emotions with us. 🙏🏼 The spirit of Charlie will always be with you just as your brother. To everything there is a season, and by embracing those special moments where we love, give love and receive it, we will never be alone, even if we feel lonely.

    Thanks so much for sharing such intimacy with us that we all can connect to. Hugs and smooches my friend. Enjoy the rest of your first week back! 🌞🙆🏼‍♀️🤗

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      1. So am I LaDonna. 😁 Sometimes we have to step away for a while just to breathe and collect ourselves. Life happens…plain and simple. We wish we could change the trajectory of life sometimes, but we aren’t God and we don’t have that kind of supernatural power. So our therapy and recovery comes from staying in place for a moment and mock time until it’s time to march forward. You my dear are ready to ease on down the road! 🥰💖🤗 Like you, we won’t get over the passing of our loved ones, but we will get through it, just to honor them to begin with. I think you’re going to be okay my friend. 🥂

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  7. Welcome back, LaDonna. Things have really changed for you in the past 2 years. Great job on extending your knowledge base. My heart goes out to you for Charlie’s passing. Pets play such an important role in our lives. Oregon is a really beautiful state. I hope you will enjoy living there. Wishing you many blessings, my friend. ☀️

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  8. A beautiful post, makes me reminisce on the past and current dogs I have in my life (with family growing up, and when I return home). They are such perfect pieces of love. It is also exciting to hear you are practicing in Oregon ~ it is interesting to hear that Oregon was the first state to decriminalize psilocybin, the state seems to be consistently on the breaking edge of opening up new options.

    I wish you a fantastic finish to summer and a brilliant autumn ahead.

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    1. Thank you, Dalo for your thoughtful comment. Our creatures are such an intricate and important part of our lives.

      And, I do think there are so many possibilities with psilocybin treatment. There is lots of good information in this area.

      I hope you have a wonderful weekend, as well.

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  10. Thanks for the wise and thoughtful and loving update of what you’ve been doing since you last blogged. Charlie is a wise soul and an old soul and entered your brother’s life, and then yours, for a reason. I understand completely. My Golden Henry (gone 10 years, yet still with me) gave me and my guy similar lessons. Henry and I bonded in so many spiritual ways I can’t name them all. We were with him when he passed, and I saw the shimmer of light and goodness all around him. It’s still with us. I have woken from a dream of him while I was still petting the empty air in front of me, when minutes earlier he was there.

    I hope you continue on now with your blog. Thanks for visiting me at Roughwighting and connecting.

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  11. I figured out how to comment on your blog now! 🙂 It has to be from your actual profile as I can’t comment when it shows up on my blog feed.

    Again, my deepest condolences for Charlie. Your tribute was wonderful and moving and the photos are beautiful.

    Wishing you all the best in your new home and new professional ventures. Oregon is certainly a place that’s on my wish list to visit. My hubby is obsessed with The Goonies and so it’s a place he also wants to see one day!

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    1. I’m glad to see you here Ab. Thank you for your kindness and care for Charlie and I. It means a lot to me. He was an incredible presence in this life. 🩷

      Oregon is beautiful and I hope you and your family will get to visit it. It has the most amazing coastlines and natural beauty throughout. ( I understand about the Goonies). 😊

      I hope you are having a wonderful holiday weekend🩷.

      I look forward to reading your adventures with T.

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  14. Great to have you back on the blog again. I am very sorry for your loss, both your brother and you dear companion, Charlie. I know is must have been a devastating loss. I am glad you are finding a place where you can find healing and strength again. I love all of your beautiful photos.

    Dwight

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    1. Thank you, Dwight. Your words and kindness mean a lot. ❤️ It is truly a process.

      I am glad to be back and writing and connecting again. I look forward to reading more of your beautiful poetry.

      Have a wonderful evening and rest of the holiday weekend. ❤️

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  15. my heartfelt condolences, dear. tx much for visiting my site. I love anything to do with books & would be thrilled if you’d write a guest blog post for my site, which is for anyone who enjoys writing, or books, and all the arts. If you think it might be fun or helpful to have my followers (who total about 10k across my various social media) meet you, here’s the link for general guidelines:

    Call for Writers: Guest Blog Posts (with audio version)

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    1. Thank you, Gary. Your kind words mean a lot to me. Our pets really are such a pure connection and Love. ❤️
      I am sorry for your losses, as well. And send you lots of care. ❤️

      I look forward to reading more and hearing about your and Hawklad’s adventure

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  17. It’s nice to see you back, LaDonna 🙂

    What you’ve written about Charlie is beautiful and enlightening. I can hear your love of him – I’m sorry for your loss.

    These last 2 years sound full and healing for you.❤️ I’m looking forward to your future posts.

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  18. Thank you LaDonna for this deeply moving share. I am sorry for your losses. May grace abound in your life. I stumbled upon your post from another blogger’s share. I feel blessed to have found and read your insights into the journeys of life in all its facets.

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  19. Your profound relationship with Charlie reminds me of a female dog, Sooni, that my mother relied on as she went through the agony of witnessing my dad’s eventual death due to Parkinsons. Sooni was a great source of comfort for her. Interestingly, Sooni was adopted by my wife and me in South Korea and then brought to Canada. She was a Chihuahua mix, and due to her not being a full breed Koreans often insultingly used to call her “dong-gae”, literally “shit-dog.” In the end, Sooni had a wonderful part 2 of her life as my mom’s beloved sidekick.

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  20. Aww I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a black cat named, Schatten. He was always there for me in ways I didn’t even comprehend. He would know I needed a break from studying before I did. He would jump on my lap as if to say,”take a break!” There were many instances when my fibromyalgia would flare up, he would knead my legs and sleep on me. His heat would ease the pain immensely. It’s incredible how animals know what we need, sometimes. I am glad you are doing well, despite all you went through. Healing is messy but so worth it. Happy healing

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