Grief & Loss

The Importance in Processing Experiences of Grief and Loss.

To speak of sorrow; works upon it. Moves it from its crouched place, barring the way to and from the soul’s hall. To Speak of Sorrow, by Denise Levertov

This beautiful poem by Denise Levertov, captures the essence and importance of processing the experinces of grief. Loss comes in many forms and often causes deep sorrow that is personal and life changing.

Most of us have experienced loss in some form if not multiple forms. If we have unprocessed grief, it is often reignited by a new or current loss, and its symptoms compounded for us. We live in a society that acknowledges that loss is impactful but provides no real permissiveness for the time to manage our way through the often-complex nature of our experience.

There are subtle (and at times not so subtle) pressures to quickly get to the other side of pain. Pushing oneself, or being pushed, will not allow the unfolding that will need to occur. Research through Hospice indicates that it may take 2 to 5 years to acclimate, process, and reenter life after the death of a loved one. This applies in instances where one is intentional in healing. Most of us are not. It is painful to look at our losses and avoidance and distraction may take root.

It is highly important to allow expression of emotion, and to have safe places in which to express the uniqueness of one’s experience. Finding one’s way through the complexities of loss and acclimation to a life that is forever changed is difficult but worthwhile work.

It’s important to state that the loss discussed here and referenced in the poetry above, is not only loss to death but includes any loss that is impactful to you. This may be loss of a loved one or beloved pet to death, health, loss of a marriage, job, community or even changes in our societal structure.

The expression of its worth and meaning to you, is what matters most. It is through this process that you find your way to the person you are now, the person who lives in this life forever changed but can live whole in your own understanding.

Lastly, it is important to note that the ways in which grief changes us (with support and processing) will include finding our greatest strengths.

As always, thank you for reading, I welcome your thoughts and comments and look forward to connecting with you through your writing and mine.

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Copyright Protected Material: © 2020 LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW. All rights reserved. Written content on this blog (Perspective on Trauma) is the property of the author LaDonna Remy, MSW, LICSW. Any unauthorized use or duplication without written permission of the author/ owner of this web log is prohibited. Excerpts or quotes may be shared in the event the author is fully cited with reference and direction to this blog.

Professional Disclaimer: It is important to recognize that all information contained in the Perspective on Trauma Blog is informational. It is not intended to provide advice, assessment, treatment, or diagnosis. Content is not intended as a substitute for clinical care. It is not possible to provide informed care through web content, or to engage in an informed treatment relationship within this format. If you or a loved one need support; it is important that you access this care from your own (specifically assigned) health care provider.

Agreement of Use: In consideration for your use of and access to the Perspective on Trauma Blog, you agree that LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW is not liable to you for any action or non-action you may take in reliance upon information from the Perspective on Trauma blog. As noted, it is not possible to provide informed (personalized care) through blog content. In the event, support is needed it is your responsibility to seek care from your own health-care provider.

National Hotlines: 
Treatment Referral Helpline: (1-877-726-4727)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (1-800-273-8255)

Hospice Foundation of America~National Hotline: 1-800-227-2345

Counseling Resources:

Better Help: https://www.betterhelp.com/

Talk Space: https://www.talkspace.com/

Resources:

Hospice: Facts and Figures. https://www.nhpco.org/hospice-care-overview/hospice-facts-figures/

David Kessler: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler: Life Lessons: Two Experts on Death and Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life and Living

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, David Kessler, et al: On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross MD:  On Death and Dying: What the dying have to teach doctors, nurses, clergy, and their own familyWeller, Francis. 2015 The Wild Edge of Sorrow. Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief. North Atlantic Books. Berkely California

20 thoughts on “The Importance in Processing Experiences of Grief and Loss.”

  1. LaDonna, I think I am not alone in grieving over our national trauma in the US: callous dissolution of Federal agencies that do humanitarian work, attacks on the Constitution, autocracy, hatred and unlawful treatment of immigrants, lawlessness and overreach by the executive branch, intimidation of Congress and the Judiciary, an ever-increasing wealth disparity, aggressive attempts to seize sovereign countries, imposing tariffs that damage the worldwide economy and alienate our allies…These and many other assaults on our democracy are things I take personally!

    I am thankful for those who are protesting, speaking out, resisting, and resisting the madness with their votes.

    Thank you for a post about processing grief and moving on. I believe that is what we, as a nation need to do.❤️

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    1. Cheryl, thank you for sharing your thoughts and care for our country. It is a difficult time and we are experiencing more than seems manageable. As is the nature of deep grief and mourning.

      I send my care to you ❤️.

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  2. Thank you for this post and for sharing the beautiful poem, LaDonna. Grief is such a profound and life changing experience. As you said, it takes time and must be experienced and not rushed. It is interesting to read about the research about loss and the time it takes to process.

    It’s fitting the image you chose is one of the water and waves, because that’s how I have experienced loss. It comes in waves, ebbs and flows, sometimes a big tidal waves of emotions. The key, as you said, is to let yourself experience it and to also seek help and connection, if needed, to get through it.

    Hope you’re doing well! 🥰

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    1. Ab thank you for your thoughtful comment and reflection. Your words, “it comes in waves, ebbs, and flows, sometimes a big tidal wave of emotions” are good descriptors of the nature or grief. ❤️

      I truly hope all is well in world.

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  5. Thank you for sharing your words about grief as well as the beautiful poem.
    It took me several years to move through the acute stages of grief after my mom died. I was 34 and the first of my friends to have a parent die. It was a very lonely feeling.
    Now, at 45, I look back at that time and try to give myself grace. I’ve never heard that it can take 2 to 5 years to begin to recover from the death of a loved one but it brings me a great sense of relief. For a long time I couldn’t understand why it took me so long to move past the intense part of the grieving process surrounding my mother’s death. I still often look back at those 3-4 years and feel guilty and abnormal.
    Thank you for showing me that I’m not abnormal, the grieving process is. As you mentioned, in North America particularly, nobody wants to think about death so everything having to do with death, including the grief felt by loved ones, should be over with and finished as soon as possible.
    Having experienced a number of deaths of loved ones, and being heavily relied upon to assist with and carry out their funerals, as well as watching the grieving process in other countries, has taught me that the way we handle death isn’t helpful or healthy for those grieving. I’m planning to do a 3 part series on dying, death, and grieving in the near future and your post has given me the encouragement needed to talk about these things while still being respectful of the grieving processes we do have. My aim is to help and offer support and encouragement, not make readers feel bad about themselves.
    Thank you again for this post, I appreciated reading it on a number of different levels❤️

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    1. Thank you for your thoughts and sharing parts of your experience. I am so very sorry about the loss of your mother. ❤️

      The grief process is such a personal journey and I think we each need to honor our process. I look very forward to reading your series.

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  8. Truly appreciate you posting this heartfelt poem. Losing someone is one of life’s deepest challenges, and it’s something we can never fully brace ourselves for. Coming to terms with grief is a slow and deeply personal journey.

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