Attachment & Relationship

Grace in Personal Relationship: A Healing Balm for Separation.

I’ve found myself thinking about the concept of grace an awful lot lately. There has been an extraordinary amount of external noise in our world (news cycles that thrive on outrage, social feeds that reward divisiveness, and conversations that fracture before they deepen). It often feels as if outrage has become oxygen. This climate has caused deep separation not only across our nation but within many of our families. The tone of disconnection has seeped into relationships where the possibility, and ideally, the safety of belonging and self-expression once lived.

The awareness and practice of grace offer another language. Grace is not the absence of truth or conviction but a way of holding both with gentleness. When we practice grace, we pause before reacting. We make room for curiosity instead of assumption and accusation. Physician and author Gabor Maté often writes about “considering options” as the capacity to respond rather than reflexively repeat what pain has taught us to do. Grace, like options, widens the space for listening and hearing. It invites us to breathe before speaking, to see the human being beneath the opinion, and to honor our values without weaponizing them. In that pause lives possibilities.

When we bring grace into our personal relationships, we soften the edges of defensiveness. We begin to recognize that anger, silence, or withdrawal often hide fear. Maté reminds us that every behavior tells a story of adaptation. Grace allows us to listen to that story without surrendering our own boundaries. It does not excuse harm, but it does ask: What is this reaction protecting? That question can shift the energy in a relationship from accusation to awareness.

Practicing grace isn’t a single act; it’s a daily orientation. In practice, it looks like choosing reflection over retaliation, listening over lecturing, and empathy over ego. These are seemingly small gestures, but they reclaim our agency. In moments when we might otherwise close off, grace keeps the door open a crack. That’s often all connection needs to begin healing.

Grace, extended outward and inward, becomes a quiet balm in a loud world. It doesn’t erase the noise, but it softens what’s within us enough to hear again. When we choose grace, we participate in the repair of relationships, of communities, and of the small but sacred space between two people willing to stay present with each other.

I invite you to reflect on what your response has been (and the possibilities of what it could be) , when tension rises in your own personal relationships. What helps you pause long enough to choose grace instead of reaction? What might get in the way? And, finally what other options might you consider?  

As always, thank you for reading. I look forward to connecting through your writing and mine.

Resources Follow:

Photo: Pixabay

Copyright Protected Material: © 2020 LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW. All rights reserved. Written content on this blog (Perspective on Trauma) is the property of the author LaDonna Remy, MSW, LICSW. Any unauthorized use or duplication without written permission of the author/ owner of this web log is prohibited. Excerpts or quotes may be shared in the event the author is fully cited with reference and direction to this blog.

Professional Disclaimer: It is important to recognize that all information contained in the Perspective on Trauma Blog is informational. It is not intended to provide advice, assessment, treatment, or diagnosis. Content is not intended as a substitute for clinical care. It is not possible to provide informed care through web content, or to engage in an informed treatment relationship within this format. If you or a loved one need support; it is important that you access this care from your own (specifically assigned) health care provider.

Agreement of Use: In consideration for your use of and access to the Perspective on Trauma Blog, you agree that LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW is not liable to you for any action or non-action you may take in reliance upon information from the Perspective on Trauma blog. As noted, it is not possible to provide informed (personalized care) through blog content. In the event, support is needed it is your responsibility to seek care from your own health-care provider.

Resources:

Maté, G. (2022). The myth of normal: Trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. Knopf Canada.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperCollins.

Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.

National Hotlines: 

The National Domestic Violence Helpline: (1-800-799-SAFE 7233)

The National Domestic Violence Chatline. http://www.TheHotLine.org

Treatment Referral Helpline: (1-877-726-4727)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (1-800-273-8255)

The Hotline. (n.d.). Abuse defined. National Domestic Violence Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/

Counseling Resources:

ALMA: https://helloalma.com/

Better Help: https://www.betterhelp.com/

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

Talk Space: https://www.talkspac

.

25 thoughts on “Grace in Personal Relationship: A Healing Balm for Separation.”

  1. Powerful… Grace really does soften the noise and make room for love and understanding. I’m trying to learn and apply to pause and let God guide my reactions. 🙏

    Be Blessed and Be a Blessing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Good Morning, I hope you are well and happy today. Thank you for the question, KE. It is a broad topic for certain and one that deserves a deeper exploration. In short, one’s ability to stand in their own power and offer grace to self and others is very person dependent. This is a piece that is largely impacted by traumatization. In essence, our research supports that those who have support (even in the form of one other who reflects their worth) are more likely to move to a place in healing that can allow for this. We also know that protective factors for all (from birth) are supportive relationship, temperament, and many studies point to intellect and ability to disconnect.

      I appreciate your reflective question.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. An insightful and timely reflection on the power of grace in our personal relationships. In today’s world, it’s all too easy to react defensively or withdraw when faced with conflict or separation. Gabor Maté’s ideas about grace— pausing before reacting, listening to the story behind others’ behavior, and choosing reflection over retaliation —are something we can all learn from. There is quiet strength found in pausing, listening, and choosing empathy over ego.

    The idea that “grace keeps the door open a crack” is a beautiful image of hope and possibility in healing. Your encouragement to reflect on our own responses in tough moments and consider what options grace might offer is powerful. Thank you for this beautifully written piece.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Thank you for your lovely and reflective response, Randall. It takes strength and trust to take the reflective step back, and it builds trust (both is self and other) when we can.

      I hope you have a wonderful weekend ahead.

      Like

      Reply

  5. In today’s climate, grace indeed is a demonstrated gift and a gift that is well received. It is so disheartening to see how our attention and rage have been monetized by big tech and social media and how devices we hold in our hands are dividing us as a society. I find myself falling for the rage baits sometimes. It does something to the chemical balance in our brains. It’s another reason why I’m holding off on giving T a device and his own social media until he’s 35 years older. 🤣

    May we all find grace and restraints in these darker times, LaDonna. Hope you’re doing well!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. 😊35 is a good goal.

      You raise a good point, I do agree we are truly conditioned by our social media and news feeds. Those immediate and consistent hits reinforce our reactivity and impulsivity.

      Overall, I hope you and yours are well Ab. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a reply to LaDonna Remy Cancel reply