The term gaslight is both overused and misused in today’s society. It has become a buzzword utilized to describe ordinary disagreements when in fact it is part of serious mental health conditions and is highly synonymous with abusive behavior. It has a serious, and often, long lasting impact on those exposed to it.

Gaslighting in its pure form is deceit aimed at its victim. This is done in attempts to make the victim question his or her reality and is most employed by persons diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). This article will focus primarily on Narcissism.

Research conducted by Harvard Medical School (Janette Restivo, January 8, 2024) indicates narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may occur in up to 5% of the United States population and is 50% to 75% more common in men than women. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms-diagnosis-and-treatments#:~:text=Jenette%20Restivo

Research by Dr Donald Black with the University of Iowa’s Psychiatry Department (Nov 23, 2022) demonstrates that 2% to 5% of the general adult population in the United States meet the criteria for lifetime ASPD. Prevalence in men is from 2 to 7 times that in women, depending on the sample surveyed and assessment method used. http://Full access Clinical & Research Published Online: 23 November 2022 Special Report: Antisocial Personality Disorder—The Patient in Need Often Overlooked Donald W. Black, M.D.Authors Info & Affiliations Publication: Psychiatric News Volume 57, Number 12 https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.pn.2022.12.12.20

Researchers indicate that these disorders are increasing. This is believed, to be the result of social media, online platforms which serve to disconnect one from needed social connection, the anonymity (sometimes resulting in dehumanizing the other person) and increased opportunity for self-promotion and perceived social status.

As stated, those with narcissistic or antisocial traits or disorder often employ gaslighting. The intended purpose is for promotion of their own self-interest and/or to deceive their intended target. Narcissism occurs on a continuum from traits to disorder. There are two primary types known as Grandiose (overt) and Vulnerable (covert). Both are equally harmful to those in relationship with these individuals. Grandiose of overt narcissist carry the traits we most often think of when we think of narcissism. They are often extroverted, overtly self-interested, dismissive, devaluing, blaming, regularly “discard” individuals who don’t promote their self-interest and believe they are special and should receive special treatment. Vulnerable or covert narcissist, on the other end of the continuum, are often seen as introverted and unassuming individuals. They carry the same entitlement to special treatment as their overt counterparts and employ the same dismissive and devaluing strategies. They are more difficult to recognize and as a result are incredibly harmful to those who are unfortunate enough to have been exposed to them.

Being in relationship with a true narcissistic individual is comparable to living an illusion. Living “inside the gaslight”, if you will. It is quite difficult to see the truth of one’s situation due to the consistent barrage of lies, isolation, projection, devaluing, blame and denial employed by the narcissistic person. It is an insidious form of abuse and in some ways has been captured by the new domestic violence laws of 2022. The new language regarding intimate partner violence clearly defines “coercive control” as a form of abuse aimed at controlling the victimized partner.

Research by Dr. Evan Stark, late professor and researcher for Rutgers University, identified the nature of coercive control and its impact. His studies were primarily in regard to female victims and Male perpetrators. This is due to the fact, as noted above in research conducted by Harvard Medical School, that there is a higher prevalence of male offenders. In his studies Dr. Stark reported that once a woman leaves an abusive relationship in which coercive control has been employed and abuse has risen to just one incident of violence ~ 28-33% of women will lose their life. This occurs, often, after years of coercive behaviors recognized as emotional abuse. These include, but are not limited to, gaslighting, harassment, financial abuse, stalking or technology-facilitated abuse, and/or isolation from family and friends.

The implications for healing and recovery are profound and can be lengthy. This said, it is not an impossibility. With informed support, disconnection from the offender, and time one can heal and reclaim themselves.

The same, is not true, for the narcissistic partner. Healing is an insight-oriented process and requires self-reflective skills. These are not skills inherent to those impacted with NPD or ASPD. Recovery for these individuals would mean having the capacity to empathize and perspective take. Narcissistic individuals have a very difficult time in these processes. Again, it is not an impossibility but there is not a high probability.

There are many related avenues to explore. This article only scratches the surface of this broad and layered topic. Resources are shared at the end of this article for those interested in learning more and future posts will explore the topics of recovery and healing.

As always, Thank you for reading. I welcome your thoughts and comments and look forward to connecting with you through your writing and mine.

Resources Follow

Photo: AI Generator

Copyright Protected Material: © 2020 LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW. All rights reserved. Written content on this blog (Perspective on Trauma) is the property of the author LaDonna Remy, MSW, LICSW. Any unauthorized use or duplication without written permission of the author/ owner of this web log is prohibited. Excerpts or quotes may be shared in the event the author is fully cited with reference and direction to this blog.

Professional Disclaimer: It is important to recognize that all information contained in the Perspective on Trauma Blog is informational. It is not intended to provide advice, assessment, treatment, or diagnosis. Content is not intended as a substitute for clinical care. It is not possible to provide informed care through web content, or to engage in an informed treatment relationship within this format. If you or a loved one need support; it is important that you access this care from your own (specifically assigned) health care provider.

Agreement of Use: In consideration for your use of and access to the Perspective on Trauma Blog, you agree that LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW is not liable to you for any action or non-action you may take in reliance upon information from the Perspective on Trauma blog. As noted, it is not possible to provide informed (personalized care) through blog content. In the event, support is needed it is your responsibility to seek care from your own health-care provider.

National Hotlines: 

The National Domestic Violence Helpline: (1-800-799-SAFE 7233)

The National Domestic Violence Chatline. http://www.TheHotLine.org

Treatment Referral Helpline: (1-877-726-4727)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (1-800-273-8255)

Counseling Resources:

Better Help: https://www.betterhelp.com/

Talk Space: https://www.talkspace.com/

Resources:

A Guide to Coercive Control. DomesticViolenceShelters.org https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/a-guide-to-coercive-control. Flannery, Shelley. August 4 2021.

Campbell, Keith: Video. The Psychology of Narcissism. https://www.bing.com/videos/search?view=detail&q=Narcissim+on+the+rise+Mayo+cliniuc&mid=0A87B6A705B32414383A0A87B6A705B32414383A&mcid=C150FF80772B47B6ACBE7FEC73E987B2&FORM=VIRE

Stark, Evan. PhD. 2023. How Men Entrap Women. Interpersonal Violence Series. Oxford Press.

Mirza, Debbie: Dec 6, 2017. The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse.

Ramani, Durvasual. PhD. Feb 20, 2024. It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People.