Collective Pain: A Nation in Need of Repair.

Ready to share my April Post, I found myself unable to place the finishing pieces this morning. The post was in regard to personal responsibility in relationship and the process of relational rupture and repair. Attachment terms used to describe the processes in which tender parent -child relationships are temporarily ruptured (often through unaware action) and the repair that can occur through purposeful reflection and accountability. (Naming the pain, acknowledging the hurt, maintaining accountability and setting forward a plan ~a pathway~ to manage the future). This process (repeated many times over the course of a child’s life) sets the needed foundation for emotional resilience, providing in turn, the eventual adult’s ability to carry this forward in his or her relationships. A process that is needed, but missing for many. Mostly due to non -awareness.

My brain and heart (like so many others) has had a keen awareness of the beginning trial of former police officer Derek Chauvin. The trial is in the process, and there is a deep hope that some form of justice will result for Mr. Floyd (whose life was carelessly ended by the former officer), for Mr. Floyd’s family, the many lives lost (Breonna Taylor, Adrian Ingram-Lopez, Elijah McClain, Rayshard Brooks, Ahmaud Arbery, Manuel Ellis, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Freddie Gray, Tamir Rice, and many more whose names we may not know) and family’s whose lives are forever changed due to police brutality. Overall , a hope, that change will occur in the social justice issues Mr. Floyd’s treatment and passing brought glaringly into focus. Issues such as racism, white privilege, police brutality and the ugly attitude and action that is allowed due to these on-going social illnesses.

The dismissal of human life, and the resulting suffering is deeply painful. The direct traumatic impact to witnesses is highly apparent and the collective traumatic impact is felt. There is an opportunity with this trial to do something right. To name clearly what occurred, to call it by it’s name and to provide a pathway to change. It is notable that the house voted (220 to 212) to pass The George Floyd Justice in Policing Bill. It appears the bill addresses qualified immunity for police officers, federally bans choke holds, prohibits no-knock warrants in federal drug cases and works to address racial profiling. It is a late start, but a start. There is much work to do at the federal, state, and local levels. Much work!

This current reality feels so much more pressing to write about today. Our nation is in need of repair. A deep systemic repair which truly acknowledges what has occurred and sets forth a path to do it’s very best to ensure it does not continue to occur. I believe, as written about in many previous posts, that the needed changes will occur only with a deep understanding of these deeply ingrained issues, and conscious consistent efforts at improving acceptance of our individual differences.

As I was writing about in my previous post, teaching emotional resilience and regulation (to our children) is an important and primary component in eventual societal change. The issues that unfolded before us in the media coverage of Mr. Floyd’s last moments speak loudly to the very apparent issues noted above, and I believe they speak to the lack of compassion, empathy, and emotional regulation that ideally we learn in our earliest relationships.

As always, I want to share resources in the event you may want to support individual families of those whose lives have been lost, education and reform issues, and resources for managing the many emotions that normatively occur in response to this collective pain.

My deepest care to you.


Copyright Protected: © 2020 LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW . All rights reserved.


Treatment Referral Helpline: 1 (877) 726-4727

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255

Black Lives Matter 

American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) 

Ahmaud Arbery: I run with Maud GO Fund Me:

Justice for Ahmaud Arbery! I Run with Maud!- Legal Support

George Floyd Memorial Fund (Go Fund Me): Memorial fund 

The family of Mr. Floyd provided the following address in the event individuals may want to send support, cards, or letters.

The Estate of George Floyd: C/O Ben Crump Law, PLLC. 122 S. Calhoun St. Tallahassee, Fl 32301. Attention: Adner Marcelin

Justice for Elijah McClain      (Change,org)

George Floyd Memorial Fund (Go Fund Me): Memorial fund 

The family of Mr. Floyd provided the following address in the event individuals may want to send support, cards, or letters.

The Estate of George Floyd: C/O Ben Crump Law, PLLC. 122 S. Calhoun St. Tallahassee, Fl 32301. Attention: Adner Marcelin

Scholarship and Unity Fund in Honor of Eric Garner: In support of families impacted by gun violence.

The Freddie Gray Fund: Family support and Memorial Fund.

The Trayvon Martin Foundation: A Non-Profit Organization for families who have lost a child to gun violence.

Tamir Rice Foundation: An after school growth and enrichment program for children, and police accountability Program.

Copyright Protected: © 2020 LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW . All rights reserved.

Professional Disclaimer: It is important to recognize that all information contained in the Perspective on Trauma Blog is informational, and is not intended as a substitute for clinical care. It is not possible to provide informed care through web content, as an informed treatment relationship cannot be formed. If you or a loved one is in need of care, it is important that you access this care from your own care provider.

Agreement of Use: In consideration for your use of and access to the Perspective on Trauma Blog, you agree that LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW is not liable to you for any action or non-action you may take in reliance upon information from the blog. As noted, it is not possible to provide informed (personalized care) through blog content. It is your responsibility to seek individual clinical care from your own provider, who will know or learn your specific circumstances, should care be needed. It is further your responsibility when donating to ensure the privacy of your information and comfort with stated purposes of funding organizations and Go Fund me campaigns. LaDonna Remy, MSW, LICSW is not affiliated with the organizations provided.

Blog Image: Pixabay

66 thoughts on “Collective Pain: A Nation in Need of Repair.

  1. As an outsider looking into the events that have unfolded in the US and that are now unfolding with the trial, I do hope that there are justices served with the current trial.

    I do think that there is more awareness of these issues and I do sincerely hope it leads to lasting changes rather than just another spin of the cycle of history repeating itself.

    I think you said it best that it starts at a very wrong age and teaching kids about emotional resilience and regulation.

    The world, especially these days, could use a whole lot more empathy and compassion.

    Liked by 7 people

  2. What a beautiful and well-delivered post LaDonna! You’re so right about our nation needing healing. While evidence of this may not be as prominent in certain communities as there are in others, there is so much pain that we’ve seen in society and we can no longer talk about it but do something about it. 🥰

    With our platform, we try to write words to encourage, to heal, and to rise above the ills that plagues so many on so many levels. Thank you for doing just that. So many ears are deaf and eyes are blind to the cries for change and correcting the problems that are no longer hidden, but in our face. Perhaps with the visuals that we see on so many different channels, maybe, just maybe, our nation along with the rest of the world can see real change of hope, understanding, equality and love! ❤

    Liked by 10 people

      1. LaDonna, I started to write a response, but found Kym’s words both pertinent and poignant, so I will join her in chorus of your heartfelt and meaningful words. Keith

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Amen to this, LaDonna. When I think of police brutality in this country, I cannot help but think of the killings that went on during the Holocaust. Absolutely senseless and callous, which speaks volumes about the people doing the killing. I, too, hope justice will be served & changes will be instituted. Great post. 🌞

    Liked by 6 people

  4. I hope that this trial is understood as a needed start for all Americans to work toward actually understanding the suffering of the most vulnerable communities, and why Jim Crow is still functioning, effectively if not legally, today. That is the first step needed in the process of figuring out how to change our system, as it was intended to be updated by the framers of the Constitution, so that it can begin to work for all of us. It can certainly be done, but it will not be a quick process, nor will it be easy. Nevertheless, if we all ask how to make our society a just society, and if we all decide to take honest part in that process, then
    “Yes, we can.”

    Liked by 6 people

      1. I think this is very true. We are all interconnected and the ways in which we act and react impact us all. Thank you for your lovely prayer around this interconnectedness.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. So much pain in society and in many parts of the world. In our country we as society, unfortunately because of racism still suffer and we are in a continuous process of repair even many years after Apartheid ended. I cannot agree more with you, it is so important that we do teach our children to do right but more importantly to show and lead by example. Thank you for a well penned post.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Thanks for this post! Agreed about how we need more compassion, empathy, and emotional regulation. I’d also venture to say that we need education and systemic change that specifically tries to eliminate white supremacy and anti-Blackness, which I think white folks and non-Black people of color can implement for our own communities (e.g., white people addressing the racism of fellow white people, and non-Black people of color addressing the anti-Black racism of fellow non-Black people of color). Glad you are acknowledging police brutality and its horrifying consequences.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Thank you for this heartful and timely blog post. I especially appreciate your summary of healing steps — “naming the pain, acknowledging the hurt, maintaining accountability and setting forward a plan ~a pathway~ to manage the future” — that we can do on a person-to-person basis and also on a societal level.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. What a heartfelt and compassionate post LaDonna.
    In the aftermath of the verdict your words ring even more true — we must stop ‘othering’ one another and dive deep into the healing steps you so beautifully and clearly proscribe.
    One of my most challenging encounters while working at an adult homeless shelter was having to watch a video from our security cameras where a man was thrown into the back of a police van by two officers with absolutely zero regard for his humanity, well-being or safety, and then attempting to work with police on righting the wrong. (I’d like to say I was successful but I wasn’t)
    I think one of our human challenges is the need to justify what we know is wrong by blaming and shaming ‘the other’ as the reason for our bad behaviour. Your words about naming the brutality are so critical — my experience is that it is so very difficult to do for those who ‘hold power over’ versus ‘share power with’ as they fear the chaos they believe will ensue if they do not ‘armour up’ and hold onto their power over to ‘keep the peace’ through force.
    Thank you for this post.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. This is the most beautiful piece I have read this year. LaDonna, this is a therapeutic piece

    I love how you provide granular perspectives and corrective measures to a broad issue.
    A nation is a combination of families, groups and individuals. A healthy people will make a healthy nation. Until homes are fixed, a broken nation will keep bleeding.

    I have bookmarked this piece, It resonates with me on many levels. I am still trying to heal from the trauma of my upbringing. My father was emotionally and physically absent, and my mother who was present had a lot to deal with so she was almost emotionally incapable of repairing ruptures.

    I have however learnt to always build bridges in my relationships. I don’t allow hurts and misunderstanding to linger for too long. I create an atmosphere for love, forgiveness and mutual understanding to thrive. I knew I don’t want a replica of what I went through as a teenager in my future family. Living intentionally, loving unconditionally and learning to heal consistently cannot be overemphasized.

    I particularly love this “If we were fortunate enough to grow in an environment where feelings were acknowledged and validated, and we were held safely accountable in our efforts toward independence, we generally grow into adults who trust, are trustworthy, and can reciprocate in a relationship.”

    Nation-building starts from the home. I hope everyone does things right in their various homes so we can build a healthy, sane and safe nation.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your lovely compliment, and solid perspective Adeleke, I appreciate your sharing, philosophy, and always your approach toward life. We really do carry within us the ability to shape our lives and impact others. Our awareness and care can make a large difference in moving forward. “Nation building starts at home” should be a deeply held belief for all of us.

      I hope you have a good week ahead. ❤


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