We saw him, a young man of middle eastern descent likely in his mid-teens, walking along the dark highway toward an unknown destination. It was well past midnight, on that warm August night, and I worried when I saw him following along the roadways narrow edge that oncoming traffic might not see him. He was dressed in dark clothing and seemed to be in deep contemplation. It was a passing thought as E, and I took the uphill pathway overseeing the road that led to the lake near my home.

E (my 20-year-old nephew) was here visiting from Washington, and we decided as we did a lot of last Summer to have a walk to continue the conversation that after dinner moved us from the table to the front porch, and finally to the lake. It was well past 11:30pm in our sleepy neighborhood, on the outskirts of our tiny Oregon town, when we witnessed what has left a lasting imprint.

We were standing at the Lake’s northern edge, deep in conversation, when we heard wheel’s screeching to a halt. The lake is positioned above the roadway atop a small hill, but a hill high enough to look down on the roadway from behind wild bushes and trees. We turned to see a white pickup truck that had come to a stop in the middle of the dark highway. It looked ominous with its lights making eerie piercing rays into the pitch black of the night. Two men, who looked much older than the boy, were standing outside the truck screaming in the direction the boy had gone. They were yelling audible racial slurs and repeating over and over “you should have been wearing white” followed by even uglier slurs.

Unsure if the boy had been hit, we were trying to see where he might be. As E and I quickly made our way along the lake’s tree line toward the road (phone in hand to call law enforcement and out of view) the men (still shouting toward the darkened road) abruptly got into their truck and sped away. We were close enough to see them and able to see that they were both Caucasian men possibly in their early to mid-thirties. We were not able to get the license plate of the truck.

Once to the roadways edge, we saw the boy upright and walking. We moved toward him both of us calling out “are you ok”. As we approached the boy asking if he was alright, he assured us he hadn’t been physically hurt. I inquired if he needed us to call anyone or if we could take him somewhere. He said “no” and told us he lived only a few houses away. I said to him, “I’m so sorry that happened it must have been really scary”. He simply shrugged his shoulders and said, “I’m ok”. It was a shrug that seemed to say this is commonplace for me.

As we expressed our care and said our goodbyes, we stood to the side of the roadway and watched him walk back into the neighborhood.

I think of this often. And of the many awful and terrifying moments encapsulated in this incident, it is the boy’s response that haunts me most. His young face, his words, and the shrug that spoke so loudly of his experience and possibly his expectation. He didn’t seem to be in shock, he truly seemed to have no surprise at the incident or danger he was in.

I don’t know the backstory of this young man or the men who so belligerently battered him. It was the first time, and I pray the only time, E and I had physically witnessed such hatred and the firsthand effects on those it is so aggressively pointed at.

I sadly know these types of incidents aren’t isolated. People live with the knowledge of their vulnerability every day. A knowledge that many of us, due to our inherent privilege, will never understand.

This boy is someone’s child and grandson. He may be a brother, nephew, and/or cousin. And in a world that has become desensitized and is in the presence of growing permissiveness and in some area’s purposeful intent, he could eventually be my child or yours.

This incident is seared into my brain and its presence is increased in the context of our current climate. Our world has forgotten, and portions never held, the concept of common humanity. The inherent understanding and truth that we all hold worth, all feel, and all struggle. Further that when we accept and see each other through this lens a greater good occurs.

I do not typically write political posts, and this is not intended as such. We all hold and have the right to hold our differing viewpoints and beliefs. We have come to this through exposure, experience, and familial, community, and societal conditioning. We hold these beliefs and viewpoints close to our hearts and advocate and vote for what we each believe is right.

With the recent election, and current events, some are relieved. There is a belief that our country has been in poor hands. There is an excitement and hope that what has been derailed will be set on course again. Others, feel fearful for that new course and worry about democracy, the environment, reproductive rights, or worry for those in the immigrant or queer communities.

If I return to the August night and try, my best, to apply the principle of common humanity (which is at the heart of compassion and accepts that we have differing views and inherent commonalities as people) it is not hard to hold compassion for the boy, his experience, and what might occur for him. It is not hard to hold compassion for E and what he knows now that he had not known, nor is it difficult to hold this for myself. It is harder to hold compassion for the men, but that is what is asked in the process of this application.

On that night, five lives intersected. Each life came forward with its own experiences, learning. conditioning, beliefs and values. I am thankful that it did not end in more harm to the young man. I am thankful that the men drove away. I am thankful that E and I were there and could at least convey truths of, this is not ok, we saw, and we care, can we help, and we will help.

I can only imagine the beliefs that the men hold, how they came to be, or what will take place next. They have a right to their beliefs; they do not have the right to harm another. I can be curious about this though and with the correct lens and safer context I could invite them to tell me. It would be hard, but I could listen and invite them to listen to me. This could be done without condoning or condemning.

Holding compassion for others and applying the understanding of common humanity invites the understanding that WE are all in this together. It is not us against them. It is US. At this time, clear and critical thinking is needed. Understanding each other allows greater compassion, information, and problem solving.

While it is true that this is what is needed, it is also true that to have these conversations the other would have to be both willing and psychologically capable of engaging.

As always, Thank you for reading. I welcome your thoughts and comments and look forward to connecting with you through your writing and mine.

Photo: Image found on Pixabay

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National Hotlines: 

The National Domestic Violence Helpline: (1-800-799-SAFE 7233)

The National Domestic Violence Chatline. http://www.TheHotLine.org

Treatment Referral Helpline: (1-877-726-4727)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (1-800-273-8255)